Your child comes to you with a problem. Maybe they can't figure out a puzzle, or they're stuck on a homework question, or they had a fight with a friend. What do you do? If you're like most of us, you jump in with solutions. You want to fix it, make it better, take the pain away. I get it. I do the same thing. But here's the problem: every time you solve their problem, you've stolen an opportunity for them to learn how to solve one themselves.
We say we want to raise problem-solvers. But we're raising rule-followers instead. Think about it. School rewards kids for following instructions, staying in line, and giving the expected answer. At home, we reward them for doing what they're told. None of that teaches them how to handle a situation where there's no rule book. And life is full of those situations.
Problem-solving is a skill that has to be practiced. And practicing means getting it wrong sometimes. That's uncomfortable to watch, I know. But if you always have the right answer ready, your child learns to come to you instead of thinking for themselves. They learn that someone else will figure it out. That's not a lesson you want them to learn.
Next time your child comes to you with a problem, try something different. Instead of giving the answer, ask: 'What do you think we should do?' or 'What have you tried so far?' Guide them toward their own solution instead of handing them yours. It takes longer in the moment, but it pays off in the long run.
You're not raising a child who needs you forever. You're raising an adult who will have to face a complicated world. Help them build the skills to handle it. That means stepping back, biting your tongue, and letting them figure it out.
